Are you a Grumpy Crone?

WEEK 9

Are you a Grumpy Crone?

We’ll come back to the physical next week, but knowing how our thoughts and words impact our physical I thought we’d take a brief detour into attitude, thoughts, brain pathways ……

Have you noticed how easy it is to drift into grumbling?

The weather's wrong.

The government has got it wrong.

The neighbour is annoying.

My back hurts.

The dog has stolen another slipper.

Butter's gone up again.

The computer’s playing up!

The funny thing is, most of us don't even realise we're doing it. Complaining is like any habit—the more we practise it, the better we become at it. Just think, by the time you work along your personal timeline into the Crone Zone you may have become the Empress of Grumbleland.

I found myself having a good old grumble this morning to a dear friend ….. and she was having a good old moan back to me – it was like a tennis match of moans, complaints, gripes and whinges!

Now don’t get me wrong, that’s an important part of a close friendship. The freedom to release stress through a good old moan … it’s healthy, it gets it ‘out of ones system’ and prevents it going underground and festering over the weeks, months or even years.

The wisdom is in the formula: express it, move it, laugh at it and let it go.

Easier said than done I hear you say.

Part of the reason lies in our biology.

Our ancestors survived because their brains noticed danger before beauty.

That ancient negativity bias is still with us.

Then we add twenty-four-hour news, social media and everyone else's worries. Emotions are contagious. We soak them up without even noticing. Collective energies are powerful and can creep in without any fanfare.

Our brains are wonderfully adaptable.

Neuroscientists call it neuroplasticity.

I feel very grown up using this term, but it basically means your brain's lifelong ability to change.

Every thought you repeat, every habit you practise and every experience you have gently reshapes the pathways in your brain.

What you rehearse becomes easier.

What you neglect gradually fades.

Every single thought we repeat strengthens a neural pathway, rather like walking through long grass, follow the same route often enough and it becomes the easiest path to take.

Then there's the brain's own search engine—the Reticular Activating System (RAS).

Decide you want a red Mini Cooper and suddenly you see them everywhere. They were always there; your brain has simply decided they're important.

The same is true of our thinking.

Look for problems and your brain faithfully delivers more problems.

Look for kindness, beauty, possibility and moments of joy...

and it begins to notice those too.

Not because the world has changed.

Because your attention has.

The ancient sages understood this long before neuroscience caught up.

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus wrote,

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus (c. AD 50–135) was born into slavery in the Roman Empire, yet became one of history's most influential teachers of wisdom.

He taught that while we cannot control what happens to us,

we can always choose how we respond.

His philosophy wasn't about suppressing emotions or pretending life is easy;

it was about developing inner freedom, resilience and peace by focusing

on what lies within our own control.

Nearly two thousand years later, his teachings remain remarkably relevant, reminding us that

our greatest power lies not in changing the world,

but in changing the way we meet it.

I'm certainly not suggesting we become Pollyannas overnight. Life can be heartbreaking. People become ill. Relationships end. We lose those we love.

The answer isn't denial.

It's balance.

Instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" 

we might gently ask, "What is this asking of me?"

“Do I need to pause, regroup, rethink?”

Sometimes the answer is elusive at the time but when we look back we may see that the very experience we resisted became the one that shaped us most deeply.

So how do we retrain the mind? Perhaps we need to call out the wee Sargent Major that lies within each of us … mentally stand up, take charge with some self-talk … be your own best friend encouraging a change in perspective, looking at a situation through another lens ….. all those cliches!

Catch yourself when you've slipped into a grumble. I now laugh at myself – lightens the entire energy around the issue.  I find that when I laugh my brain lightens up and then so do I !

Notice one beautiful thing each day.

Stay informed without marinating your nervous system in bad news.

Spend more time with people who leave you feeling lighter. I seem to remember Joan Collins saying that outside of work, she only surrounds herself with people that make her feel good and make her laugh … at the time I thought that was a bit ‘off’ but boy, now do I agree with her. Obviously in friendships there are times when you do need to be a shoulder to cry on, we share the bad times …. But create good, healthy boundaries so there is a balance.

At the end  of the day  bring consciously to mind three ordinary moments that brought a flicker of gratitude.  I also take time every morning to sit in the garden, coffee in hand, dogs mooching around and give thanks for all that I have.

Donna Eden often reminds us, "Where attention goes, energy flows."

So, try and focus on what you DO have and not what you perceive as NOT having.  For example, as a ‘contented crone’ I might moan about some of the aches, pains, wrinkles and crinkles of getting older but I choose to look in the mirror every day, wink at myself, say ‘hello beautiful’ and quietly thank my body for still working as well as it does.   I dwell on the wonderful gifts and freedoms we receive as women working along our timeline – because of conditioning and society’s attitudes, it’s not always obvious what those gifts are, but they are like hidden gems that are a delight to find.

Perhaps one of the hidden gifts of entering the Crone Zone, is I certainly find I’m far less interested in being right and  way more interested in being at peace.

We can place a hand on our heart,

take one slow breath and

choose the thought that brings

more wisdom than worry.

Maddie

xxx