The Sacred Art of Listening

It’s early on a Sunday morning and I’m sitting in my garden listening to the birds and reflecting on my training with John Thie (founder of Touch 4 Health), a few decades ago in Santa Monica. I am remembering with a smile a class given by his wife, it had a significant impact on me – why? It was about the art of ‘listening’. 

I'm still a student of this listening art, especially as post menopause I've developed the annoying habit of 'jumping in' during conversations, because if I don't I'll probably totally forget what I want to say! I do laugh sometimes when I get together with other Contented Crones and we all do it .... plus often our conversations will be filled with 'dodahs', 'whatsits', 'thingymejigs' and 'you know ....'

I'm acutely aware though that outside my Contented Crone Circle .... NOT jumping in when someone is mid sentence .... is still an art form I need to practice!

Are you a good listener?

In that class, we all came to realise that what people ache for most is not advice, or solutions, or a clever comeback. What we’re all craving, often silently, is for someone to genuinely listen to us.

• Not just nodding along while forming their next response.

• Not interrupting to share their version of our story.

But someone who can hold space and say, “I see you. I hear you. I understand.”

That’s it. So simple. So rare. So powerful.

When we really listen — when we put aside our ego’s urge to fix, advise, or compare — something magical happens. The person speaking begins to soften. Their shoulders drop. Their breath deepens. Because in that moment, they are not alone. They are not invisible. They are being met, not managed.

This kind of listening is an active, engaged, soulful art.

Our culture has trained us to speak up, stand out, solve problems, and get results. But few of us have been taught the deep feminine skill of:

·       listening without agenda

·       hearing not just the words, but the energy behind them

·       sitting in silence that comforts rather than fills

And here’s the truth: listening can be an act of love. - reflect honestly, do you TRULY listen to your loved ones?

We all do it. I know I’m often guilty of feeling the need to offer a solution.

·       We listen while rehearsing what we’re going to say next

·       We jump in with advice because we want to help

·       we feel someone’s pain or confusion, so we rush to ‘fix’ it.

Could that actually be our own ego trying to feel useful or wise or needed? I know as a practitioner and teacher, there is that inner aim to come up with THE answer!

But being wise doesn’t always mean having the answer. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer is our presence — our grounded, warm, listening presence.

That’s where healing begins. 

That’s what was so special about that class so many years ago in Santa Monica. Yes, I still sometimes feel the need to come up with THE answer but more and more, as I enter the Crone Zone, I feel the freedom of letting that go and getting the real wisdom Carrie Thie was sharing with us that day.

As we move into the Crone Zone, we are offered the gift of perspective. We know that not everything needs solving.

We also know how it feels to be dismissed or unheard. Which is why we can become the ones who truly listen. Who offer the balm of attention..

• We don’t need to “fix.” We need to witness.

• We don’t need to impress. We need to be present.

• We don’t need to perform. We need to connect.

Like any sacred art, deep listening can be cultivated.

Here are a few gentle practices to try:

• Pause before responding. Let silence do some of the heavy lifting. It shows you’re truly digesting what was said.

• Ask gentle, sensitive questions – not just about the actual story but also about how they felt/feel e.g. How did you feel when that happened? Was that difficult? In what way?  If you know about 5 Element personality types or the Sensory Types taught in The Eden Method …. Then adapt your vocabulary and tone accordingly.

• Breathe with them. Syncing your breath to someone else’s rhythm, even for a few moments, creates energetic rapport.

• Resist the urge to compare. This isn’t the time for “that happened to me too…” Let their experience stand on its own.

• Hold space without fixing. You don't need to be Pollyanna. Trust that being heard may be all the medicine they need.

In a world shouting for attention, your calm, listening energy is a revolution.

In a culture obsessed with answers, your willingness to hold a question is a gift.

Real connection doesn’t come from being clever. It comes from being kind.

After all, to listen is to love.

I invite you this week to join me in watching yourself and try to avoid one thing when listening: don’t bring it back to you or your experiences – make it ALL about them.

For now, thank you for listening!

Maddie xxx